When young couples are thinking about marrying, one of the things they should do is spend some time with experts in the marriage arena. Find an elderly couple, hopefully a relative, that you can spend some quality time with. They probably have been married for over 50 years, so they must have done something right. Sit down with them and pick their brains and see how they stayed together for all those years. You can also go to sessions for pre-marriage counseling in NYC, and hopefully they will expand on what the elderly couple said.
The biggest hurdle they had to overcome during all those years together was that they had to learn how to fight fair. It is understandable that fighting will occur. After all, the two of you will be living in the same house after growing up differently. It is a fact that fighting is inevitable; you just have to learn how to do it constructively and fairly without destroying the will of the other person.
Try for a Change of Scenery if You Are Fighting
Try to get out of the house if you are in the middle of a disagreement. If you both go to the park or for a drive you may find that you have different perspectives on the problem. A change of scenery usually works in favor of objective reasoning. You both will get a little time to clear your head and maybe change the subject a bit. Possibly putting the fight on the back burner for a little while will make both of you attack the situation with a cooler head. This usually works, but there is no concrete reason why.
Find a Way to Vent about the Problem and Discuss it with Your Partner
If you are extremely upset with your partner, it is probably best to get it off your chest in some way. Whether you have to talk to a friend about it or write it down, just vent. You may learn this in pre-marriage counseling as well, but once it is out of your head, you can think about it with more objectivity. You may find that you see things differently. Then discuss it with your partner.
Make Sure You Are Really Listening to Your Partner
When you are fighting, make sure you listen to what your partner is saying. Do not be so concerned about your feelings and your side of the argument. Find out why your partner is so adamant about his feelings on the subject. Sometimes if you find out the reason behind what the fight is about, you may see things differently.
No matter what you do, you and your partner are going to fight. Pre-marriage counseling will be able to teach you how to handle the fights, and how you treat each other during the fight will make a difference. Just respect the other person’s feelings and find out where he is coming from, and you will be able to work your way through any disagreement.
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